Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Spring, Discovered!

Here is an art piece to go with one of my new dreams.

In the dream, the triplets were juts a little older than this. I am wondering why I am dreaming of Jewish triplets. Supposedly, things coming in threes either mean good luck or PAY ATTENTION.

Perhaps I miss my friend Jacob who I've known since he was a boy? I really have no idea. Tu b'shavat?

Two Dreams in January

Spring Discovered

We are on a road trip driving through a countryside that is brown and dead looking.  Suddenly, I spot a bush that has a few flowers and then one with even more and one fully flowered--perhaps a shadbush.  I want to stop and take pictures of the flowers, and there are humming birds in them, lots.  A Jewish man with a yamakah and three sons, also wearing Yamakahs (triplets) are with us.  Everyone is jamming in around the shadbush to try and get pictures of the hummingbirds (who do not seem to be afraid of us at all and are flittering close to our faces and cameras) when the boys discover a robin's nest with four nearly fledged baby robins.  They are holding them, very carefully, but after a while I am nervous and want them to put them back in the nest.  I want the babies to be safe and the mother to return to them.  At one point, I want to photograph the three boys, each holding a baby robin and sitting close tilting toward each other in a very attractive way (more by accident than design). There is one small grey-brown unhatched egg.  I notice it is not blue and wonder if it is rotten or if the egg of a parasitic nester (eg:  brown-headed cowbird).

I think this is a wishful thinking dream, as it is very cold and wintry here.  I am eagerly awaiting warmth and flowers, birds, etc.  I love taking pictures but don't like elbowing my way between other photographers to do so.  I am sometimes torn between taking pictures and protecting flowers or birds.  The egg could be "rotten" because spring is not about to hatch here any time soon!  I am also the three boys wanting to hold the baby robins, wanting to be very careful with them.  I hope there is not some rotten egg in my life about to hatch into something dreadful--like death, disease, loss etc.  The hummingbirds are a symbol of life and energy and JOY!  (I could use a little joy, I've been kind of depressed for quite some time.)

This was a very realistic dream and I suppose it could happen.  But I do not know a Jewish man with three identical triplet boys and can't imagine why I'd be driving through the countryside with them.

Unprepared for and Bad Memory of Richard and Mimi Farina

A Bar hired me to sing Richard and Mimi Farina songs, but I was unable to properly prepare and have forgotten many of the words and even the songs and song titles.  I am botching it up badly, starting songs and unable to finish them, substituting songs by other artists like Peter Paul and Mary.  At some point the bar is entirely empty and I am singing on alone becase I am getting paid to do so but feeling like a complete loser.

This is probably a stress/worry dream. 
  • I worry a lot about being unprepared when I have to do a presentation--in my job, for years, this was a daily concern, but it goes back even farther, to school and homework etc.  And I have two classes and all my manuscripts to prepare.
  • I worry a lot about my failing memory.
on the other hand, Richard and Mimi Farina were a LONG LONG time ago, and to expect myself to remember them well without having prepared is absurd.

I am very unlikely to ever be hired to sing at a bar--I'm not that good a singer.  And if I were, it seems unlikely that I would be expected to continue singing to a totally empty bar!  I say this because one of the things it's good to ask about a dream is this:  could this happen?  Meanig, could it be a premontion?  It could happen, but it is pretty unlikely.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

2 eggs and a scale

I had another dream last night--it could have been in response to the
friend one, since I'd asked for clarification and it could also
havebeen its own thing.

I dreamed that we were breaking camp and everyone had gone ahead andI
was making a final check. I found two eggs and a scale, a small
electronic digital balance scale (black).

Both eggs were brown, one was boiled and one was raw. They were
slightly different in color and size. I took them with me because I
thought the scale might belong to Graham. It turned out that the eggs
and scale belonged to a friend of Keith's who was traveling with us

When I woke up though, I felt that the dream was a message to stop
trying to measure poetry against art. Each is its own thing and has
its own place and I need to stop weighing them against each other.

Poetry is the cooked egg, in a sense, I've been studying it and it is
more well-developed. Art is the raw egg, still in process. Poetry is
ready to be eaten. Art still needs to be cooked.

Or maybe the message is to eat the cooked egg first--maybe I AM
supposed to weigh them.

There was a friend in the dream--maybe it means that the friend who is
angry and afraid and lashing out has many creative powers and energy
that would be useful to me if I reintegrated her/him.

I don't know. I'm tired. But I found the dream powerful and full of
symbolism. EGGS and SCALES are both very powerful symbols (like SNAKES
are powerful!)

Persephone/Demeter are also meaningful for me--Virgo with her scales.
Scales can mean justice, Balance (which I sorely need),

And eggs. Ideas, growth, birth. Fertility, creative potential. Also fragility.

In the dream, I went on a long solo journey with the eggs and then
when I found out they belonged to the friend, I KEPT them and did not
return them. Felt a little odd about it, but put them into MY/our

I hereby ask for yet ANOTHER dream of clarification for THIS dream.
Does it relate to the other or is it its own thing?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Snakes in the Water

Snakes in the Water

A woman friend* (?) is visiting me. I seem to be living in Big Sur or someplace like that. We are on a cliff looking down at waves crashing on the beach. She speaks of swimming, but I say we can swim up here, and it's very peaceful. "We can swim to the right, we can swim to the left." There suddenly appears to be a deep clear warm lake at the top of the cliff. The water is comforting, warm, refreshing, pretty. After we swim a bit in peace and comfort, we encounter snakes. They are swimming in the water around us, and my friend is frightened of them. I ignore them and swim right through them, and they ignore me. But my friend yells angrily at them and splashes water to scare them off. Instead of fleeing, they rear up in the water hissing, showing their fangs, and then come at us in attack mode, opening their mouths to bite. I am offended that they are attacking me when it wasn't me who attacked them. I am also put off and a bit frightened by the now angry snakes. And I am upset with my friend for provoking them.

*In the dream, I know her, but when I wake, I can't remember or figure out who she is.

I had this dream several days ago and it has been haunting me.

I often think of water as the subconscious.

The green snakes (they were all green and in a wide variety of sizes) seemed peaceful and harmless at first. They floated in the water like lily pads. Relaxed. But when riled, they went into attack mode.

Snakes can be sexual and represent male genitalia, but also represent female power. The Goddess. They can represent nature and the power of nature.

The snake can be a symbol of transformation. Snakes are often seen as symbols of life, death and rebirth. In North American native tribes, the shedding of the snake's skin is associated with life and a new beginning.

If all the parts of the dream are viewed as part of myself, one could look at the dream as two different ways of dealing with life. If I approach life and change in a relaxed and calm way, I move through it without difficulty, but if I get frightened or angry, yell, splash around, than life becomes a problem and attacks me. I've seen this over and over!

I also wonder if the dream could have been caused by a confrontation with the security guard at Elmwood Cemetery. I can't remember if it happened before or after that. The guard was upset and K was exacerbating his upset instead of soothing it.

In any case, ONE message of the dream is to relax and go with the flow, so to speak, be soothing rather than angry and reactive. Unfortunately, when riled, I tend to attack, just like the snakes. That's the wrong approach. I learned it again today when calling the bank about an issue. Calmness works better. BUT, how do I get a grip on myself when upset?

I hereby ask for a clarifying dream.

Could this happen in waking life? Yes but it is unlikely.

Note: I am not normally afraid of snakes in waking life. But I often am in dreams.

OK, I have worked ALL MORNING and part of the afternoon Tuesday on a poem about this, 6 drafts so far.

Thin as Our Fingers
(Turning Flowers to Garbage)

A lake appears along the trail, above the cliffs
and pounding surf beneath. Bounded by cliff-side rocks,
it stretches nearly as far as we can see. Huge,
like the ocean below, but calmer. More welcoming
than the crashing waves of the sea. The trail
enters the lake and continues out of sight under the water,
as yellow as the yellow brick road in the Land of Oz.
I plunge in, eager, excited. Warm as air, the water
caresses me. Soft. Buoyant, delightful. I exhale, sink into it,
and rise again. “We can swim to the left, we can swim
to the right!” I tell you. And demonstrate. A smile
blossoms on my face and fills me with light
like the first sunny day of spring. You hesitate, then follow,
slowly. Wade, then swim. Then smile, too. We drift together,
above the yellow path under the water. You laugh,
bob, sway, almost seem to dance, until you see
the snakes. Green snakes, hundreds of them.
Some are as thin as our fingers, some as thick and long
as our arms and legs. The snakes float on the water like lily pads,
hold only their nostrils above water, heads suspended, tails dangling
like the long stems of water lilies. I swim and glide among them,
easy, relaxed, smiling. No clouds crowd the horizon; the sky
wears the clearest, deepest blue robes imaginable. Reflects
the endless blue water. But you stiffen. Hang back.
“Look,” I say, “they are harmless.” Snakes surround me,
and pay me no mind. Still frightened, you refuse
to swim forward. Suddenly, you yell and splash at the snakes.
In an instant, they all rear up, draw scaly lips back
to expose their fangs and hiss. They charge us both.

Mary Stebbins Taitt
For BB and jo(e)

I wonder if I should attempt a version of this poem that not only tells the dream but also explores feelings and possibilities about it. That feels challenging and frightening to me. Making a good and successful POEM out of all that. And right now I am totally overwhelmed, but maybe I can try it later.

I was up really late working on this last night and have done nothing else including EAT (no food yet today, BAD for me!) exercise chores etc. This has really consumed me but I MUST do other things!