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| Crowman and me After The Crow Man, by Winterwolfe |
Crow Man and Heidi
I am at the premiere presentation of Crow Man. Scientists have taken a real, living
crow and added human chromosomes and done a series of operations. They intend to make him fully human,
but have not finished yet. Crow
Man is about three feet tall. His
skin color is nearly a normal human color, pinkish, with a little grey left
from the black. His spine has been
straightened he walks erect, his beak has been removed and his face looks
human, though slightly strange. He
still has the beak, which has been expanded. He holds it up to his face and he resembles a crow, he takes
it away and he’s human again. His
hair is jet black and feathery.
His hips are wrong, still, and his has trouble walked and especially
turning. His feet are long and
somewhat crippled—and bare. They
curl in such a way that he mainly walks on the outsides of his feet—more
operations are scheduled for the hips and feet. He walks around awkwardly and comes to where I am sitting
talks to me. I ask him questions and
he replies. He takes a like to me
and gives me a kiss. Not a
romantic or sexual kiss, just a friendly kiss. When he turns around and walks back the other way, I wipe
the cooling drop of his spit from the side of my mouth. Then, I look around in hopes no one saw
me do that because it seems rude.
I don’t want to wipe away the kiss, only the spit and any germs it might
contain. But it seems like a fine
line. The audience, however, is
engaged in watching Crow Man. Or
seems to be.
After the presentation is over, there is a reception, and
people are sitting at picnic tables still listening to the scientists answer
questions. There will be food and
beverage, but I want to go take a walk before it gets dark. I go over to Heidi. Keith is somewhere, too. But Heidi doesn’t want to walk; she
wants to stay and listen to the questions about Crow Man. She says Keith wants to stay too,
though Keith is not in evidence at the moment. I try to talk her into coming, but she won’t come. Finally, I go out to walk alone. It seems to me that the questions and
answers are all a rehash of what has already been said anyway.
I am sad and a little upset and angry because the delay has
caused it to get dark. I am in a strange and unfamiliar place and don’t know my
way around. I know there is a lake
at the bottom of a long gradual hill and decide to go there first. I can see the lake faintly in the
distance and also a long lawn running down to it—all in the very dark dark. I
walk down toward the lake and in the dark, I trip on a pipe or some pipe-like
object protruding from the ground up to about mid-calf. It hurts and I stumble and wake
up. Tuesday, December 20, 2011
What does this remind
you of?
Ø
Shamanism: First, and dream with talking animals
reminds me of Shamanism, which I studied, including dream Shamanism. This is bad time for me, right before
Christmas, to work with the dream Shamanistically; I am too busy and that takes
time. Crows are very
intelligent. They are also
thieves. They steal food from farmers,
and they also sometimes steal shiny things, like a magpie. They steal babies from other
birds. They supposedly have been
known to poke out the eyes of human who try to attack their nests—they are
protective. Because they are
black, they are sometimes considered to be evil. It would be interesting to consider what such a creature
would have to tell and teach me. I
miss my Shamanistic practice—I seem to have less time for everything. I had no partner and no kid living at home back then.
Ø
Walking: Walking is essential to my well-being,
but sometimes difficult and painful.
I need to try to cram it into every day, no matter how busy. This causes
difficulties for my family, my friends and me. I don’t mind walking in the dark
with a companion, but prefer to walk during daylight hours if I walk alone so I
can write while I walk. Also, if
in unfamiliar territory, so I don’t trip and possibly injure myself!
Ø
Not
wanting to walk: When Heidi
was here, she and Keith made it clear that they did not want to walk in the
mush-puhsh. I was secretly a little disappointed that she,
my great walking companion of old, who lives in the wilds, was (in those
instances) so prim and prissy. And
wimpy. However, part of the
problem was her shoes, and later, she got out a better pair of shoes.
Ø
Ethics
and Morals: Although I was
very interested in Crow Man in the dream, and still am, sometimes it seems as
if scientists do thing they should not so, and this might be one of them. I just finished a book where the
protagonists did some bad things, which is always upsetting and disappointing
to me. I like the protagonists to
be the “good guys” and gals; they can and should have faults, but it seems to
me that the good guys should not go beyond a certain point and if they do—they
are no longer good guys but bad guys.
Ø
Bare feet: remind me of childhood, of nature, of
savages (the primitive) of being in contact with nature.
Ø
Tripping
in the dark: Hmmm. I trip a
lot, both literally and figuratively, and more often in the literal and figurative
dark than in the light. I could
ask myself, “in what ways am I tripping myself up?” There are many answers and I have little time right now—I
trip myself up by walking at night, by eating bad foods, by beating myself up,
by taking on too many projects, by not finishing the ones I have, but not
submitting my work. By getting
angry.
"Wherever crows are, there is magic. They are
symbols of creation and spiritual strength. They remind us to look for
opportunities to create and manifest the magic of life. They are
messengers calling to us about the creation and magic that is alive within our
world everyday and available to us." Ted Andrews
Ø
Magic: If I look at Crow Man is MAGIC rather
than as a scientific teratogenic monster,
it serves to remind me of the magic and creativity and love in life. Of transformation. And of joy and happiness, and gives me
a surge of hope at a time when I am feeling overwhelmed and depressed.
"Since Crow is the keeper of sacred law, Crow can bend
the laws of the physical universe and "shape shift". This
ability is rare and unique. Few adepts exist in today's world, and fewer
still have mastered Crow's art of shape shifting. This art includes
doubling, or being in two places at one time consciously; taking on another
physical form, and becoming the "fly on the wall" to observe what is
happening far away....
"Crow is an omen of
change. Crow lives in the void and has no sense of time. The
Ancient Chiefs tell us that Crow sees simultaneously the three fates- past,
present, and future. Crow merges light and darkness, seeing both inner
and outer reality."
Sams and Carson Medicine Cards
Ø
Shape-shifting: This is powerful Shamanistic
stuff. Since my crow shape-shifted
(with the help, in the dream, of the scientists, it reminds me of the studies I
did with Robert Moss in shape-shifting, of being in two places at once, of
sending the mind-spirit out to hunt. This is what we do also as poets and artists.
Ø
The inner
and outer reality: Seeing both
is like the healing process, bringing the subconscious to the conscious and
becoming aware.
Ø
Being
chosen: The fact that Crow Man
chose me in the dream—did not kiss anyone else—reminds me of my fear that I am
chosen by men bent on hurting me (abusers), but also by this powerful but as of
yet crippled figure of Shamanistic power.
(This reminds me of the Mogur in The Clan of the Cave Bear!) It gives me a sense of latent power,
strength, and ability.
Ø
Twisting: I notice that I am twisting the
apparent meanings in the dreams—the surface meanings, into something more
positive. I do not necessarily see
that as a bad thing, because being in touch with deeper feelings mined in this
manner have given me more energy and cheer at a time when I needed it. Energy and cheer are useful. J
Ø
Stopping: I notice that the work I do after I
decide I “should” stop is more important than the work before that. And were I to go on, I might do better
work yet. BUT I MUST STOP. I have other things I MUST do. L
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