BB, PB and I are in the basement eating, talking, discussing, arguing. PB is watching TV. I am eating a yogurt which explodes in my hands, I am wearing white gloves and get going yogurt and red jelly all over my gloves. I run upstairs to clean up and BB is coming up too. There is a baby on the counter in a child seat(the counter is the exact same blue formica as our current counters, and the baby looks like Sophia, but her car seat is like the one BBJ had as a baby), BB is feeling the baby red jelly with a spoon and managing to block the sink so I can't get cleaned up. I wait at first, then try to squeeze by. The mess is getting worse and I feel desperate to clean up and I start having a tantrum. I beat BB on the chest with my first and and kick him in the shins and cry. He says, "Does this mean you don't want to go for a walk with me later and I say "Yes." "I mean no!" I am trying to say, 'Yes I want to go for a walk,' 'no I don't mean that!' but he has stormed out and can't hear me and I wake up all agitated and upset.
When I telll BB the dream, he says it's a classic Freudian dream about sex and the mess is jism and the dancing around is sex and the confusion is all the confusion brought on sex (and the baby is the result of sex).
I suppose you could interpret it that way, but I tend to think otherwise--or at least that there could be multiple interpretations. I think I am feeling guilty about the times I get angry at at BB and he done nothing intentionally to hurt me/ Mostly, he means well. I tend to be over sensitive and reactive, especially when I am tired.
(I am really tired right now, from baking all day--3 pies, cranberry marshmallow salad, chocolate wafer cake etc-- HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!)
I statements from dream:
- I can't get cleaned up!
- The mess is getting worse.
- I feel desperate about the mess!
- I am having a tantrum about the mess.
- I am having a tantrum because BB is blocking the way for me to get cleaned up. In the dream, he is in the way and I can't get to the sink. In my waking life. He is uncooperative (sometimes) about helping to clean and very uncooperative and stubborn and slow about dealing with Susan's stuff. I feel as if HE is in the way to my getting unpacked and settled in to this house. I need to find ways that I can proceed even without his help and cooperation, or I will be endlessly unhappy.
- I "hate" BB (during the tantrum)!
- I know I love him and will want to be with him later (as the tantrum subsides.)
- I am eating something that I'm allergic to. In the dream, I am eating yogurt, which I'm allergic to--this may mean in my waking life, i am eating something else I'm allergic to and need to pay attention to what that might be.)
- I am wearing white gloves. Gloves can signify security and abundance. White gloves can signify handling a situation with care. Messing gloves, especially white ones, can signify difficulties. White gloves can signify looking for messes. (I don't need to look very far!)
Here is that reoccurring theme of being disturbed and distraught by messiness! This was an upsetting dream! I really need to get a grip!
Gratitude List:
- three pies made--I made: apple cranberry, lemon meringue and bumbleberry pies
- salad (cranberry-marshmallow) and chocolate wafer cake made.
- BB is making dinner. YAY!
- I had two 15 minutes today
- I got a new light therapy lamp which is supposed to help my sleep. I hope it does.
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